IF ONLY she...
A memoir by Diane Harth
IF ONLY IT WAS DIFFERENT
If only we all had a voice that could be expressed without criticism or retribution. If only we were all accepted for who we are and not who others want us to be.
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Could we thrive by being silent and invisible? By being an outcast and a scapegoat? What would it be like to experience not being supported, encouraged, and recognized for who you are? What would it be like to survive and learn to thrive by just relying on yourself?
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This is a story of first generation Italian American parents who suffered through the Great Depression and how that trauma was passed down to their children. It describes a child's survival and resilience, awareness and strength and how this child survived not only the impact of her culture, but an early childhood trauma. The author analyzes the behavior stemming from a child's dysfunctional relationship with her parents. It is funny, sarcastic and sad all at the same time. This childhood is a marinade of the Sicilian and Nablidon (Neopolitan) culture.
At the start of one of the chapters in Diane Harth’s fascinating memoir, If Only she… she writes, “I always wanted to become a hair stylist but my mom said I didn’t have the personality to deal with people, so I became a psychotherapist instead.”
It’s one of the many insights from the difficult relationship Diane had with her mother, a first generation Italian American, that she shares in her debut book. An unwanted third child of a middle class New Jersey family, Diane recounts in painful – and at times humorous – detail not only her experiences growing up, but about becoming a suburban wife, mother, and office worker. Ultimately, Diane explains, it was not a satisfying experience.
Diane’s memoir – like her life, actually – moves forward in an inspirational way after she proactively deals with her troubling family situations. The result is a new career after never having “thought, anticipated, or expected to ever graduate from college,” and finding more fulfilling relationships in her life. The road to liberation was often bumpy, however, as some of Diane’s past continued lurking in the shadows and, frequently, staring directly at her face.
This is more than a book about the trials and tribulations of a grandchild of Italian immigrants. It’s more than a story of someone who overcomes numerous obstacles to achieve a sense of self-fulfillment. It’s a memoir that gives readers a close look into many of the issues women faced in the 20th century – and continue to deal with today – through a series of interesting stories in language that alternates between tugging at the hearts of readers and making them laugh. It’s a literary triumph about family relations and new beginnings that book readers will be grateful they experienced through the words of a skillful storyteller.
—Charles Lopez Bruns, author of Fatherlands: Identities of a Cuban American
I am deeply honored that you trusted me with your memoir. Your raw honesty shines through each written word. I learned so much about what my parent’s actions did to me and led me to expect in my own marriage. Thank you for being so open and letting me into your childhood. I know it is a very emotional experience and I’m feeling so many emotions that I didn’t realize I needed to get through to be a better person. Your story will undoubtedly empower many women, showing them that what’s done to us isn’t our fault and that with perseverance we can overcome.
—N.A.
The personal journey from a hurt vulnerable child to an adult who finds her path. Diane Harth’s memoir brings to life the long reaching effects of a childhood deprived of unconditional love. It’s ultimately a hopeful story of finding purpose and human connection. Her narrative affirms that change is possible through intentionality and the gifts of friendship, mentorship and romantic love.