IF ONLY she...
A memoir by Diane Harth
IF ONLY IT WAS DIFFERENT
Funny, sarcastic, and deeply heartbreaking. IF ONLY she... is a daughter's look back at her upbringing with first-generation Italian American parents and how their trauma became hers. Her family was made up of a marinade of the Sicilian and Nablidon (Neapolitan) cultures, and that meant a lot of loud opinions-especially from her mother.
Diane's long and successful career as a clinical social worker provides a perspective into family dynamics that allows her to revisit her childhood and ask a number of probing questions:
Why did I settle for being silent and invisible? How did I become an outcast and scapegoat in my own home? What would it have felt like to be supported, encouraged and liked by my mother?
In IF ONLY she..., Diane sets out to explore the nature of her family's past and her relationship with them. While analyzing the dysfunctional relationship with her parents, she weaves a tale of survival, resilience and strength.
At the start of one of the chapters in Diane Harth’s fascinating memoir, If Only she… she writes, “I always wanted to become a hair stylist but my mom said I didn’t have the personality to deal with people, so I became a psychotherapist instead.”
It’s one of the many insights from the difficult relationship Diane had with her mother, a first generation Italian American, that she shares in her debut book. An unwanted third child of a middle class New Jersey family, Diane recounts in painful – and at times humorous – detail not only her experiences growing up, but about becoming a suburban wife, mother, and office worker. Ultimately, Diane explains, it was not a satisfying experience.
Diane’s memoir – like her life, actually – moves forward in an inspirational way after she proactively deals with her troubling family situations. The result is a new career after never having “thought, anticipated, or expected to ever graduate from college,” and finding more fulfilling relationships in her life. The road to liberation was often bumpy, however, as some of Diane’s past continued lurking in the shadows and, frequently, staring directly at her face.
This is more than a book about the trials and tribulations of a grandchild of Italian immigrants. It’s more than a story of someone who overcomes numerous obstacles to achieve a sense of self-fulfillment. It’s a memoir that gives readers a close look into many of the issues women faced in the 20th century – and continue to deal with today – through a series of interesting stories in language that alternates between tugging at the hearts of readers and making them laugh. It’s a literary triumph about family relations and new beginnings that book readers will be grateful they experienced through the words of a skillful storyteller.
—Charles Lopez Bruns, author of Fatherlands: Identities of a Cuban American
I am deeply honored that you trusted me with your memoir. Your raw honesty shines through each written word. I learned so much about what my parent’s actions did to me and led me to expect in my own marriage. Thank you for being so open and letting me into your childhood. I know it is a very emotional experience and I’m feeling so many emotions that I didn’t realize I needed to get through to be a better person. Your story will undoubtedly empower many women, showing them that what’s done to us isn’t our fault and that with perseverance we can overcome.
—N.A.
The personal journey from a hurt vulnerable child to an adult who finds her path. Diane Harth’s memoir brings to life the long reaching effects of a childhood deprived of unconditional love. It’s ultimately a hopeful story of finding purpose and human connection. Her narrative affirms that change is possible through intentionality and the gifts of friendship, mentorship and romantic love.